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Supporting a Victim Through the Aftermath
After an incident, the survivor needs support — but the wrong kind of support can make things worse. This playbook helps coaches, educators, and peers provide trauma-informed support that respects the survivor's autonomy, avoids re-traumatization, and doesn't inadvertently interfere with any official process.
Steps
- Let the survivor lead: ask what they need, don't assume. Some want to talk, some want space, some want normalcy.
- Do not ask 'why' questions ('Why were you there?' 'Why didn't you say no?') — these imply blame.
- Use validating language: 'I believe you.' 'This wasn't your fault.' 'I'm here for you.'
- Protect their privacy: do not tell other team members, parents, or anyone else without their explicit permission.
- Accommodate their needs: excused absences, schedule changes, no-contact arrangements with the accused.
- Watch for retaliation from the accused or the group — address it immediately and firmly.
- Connect them to professional support: counselor, advocate, or RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline.
- Follow up regularly but without pressure — a simple 'How are you doing today?' goes a long way.
- Be patient: recovery is not linear. They may seem fine one day and struggle the next. That's normal.
- Take care of yourself: supporting a survivor is emotionally taxing. Seek your own support.